Pride in relationships

Hey friends,

Relationships are hard, all of them. With family, friends, a spouse, heck even your relationship with your dog can be hard sometimes. There’s a lot that goes into a healthy and successful relationship: both parties have to make an effort, you might have to sacrifice some things, you have to give them the attention they need even if you don’t want to in the moment, you have disagreements/arguments… Bottom line, relationships take WORK.

What’s the one thing (for the most part) that people say is most important in a relationship, other than love? Communication. Right? It’s so important to be aware of communication in a relationship, particularly in a romantic relationship. Joe and I used to be awful at communication, like AWFUL. But we learned pretty quickly while dating long distance for a year. And while I will say that communication is extremely important and can cause problems in a relationship, I think that there’s a deeper problem. Communication issues is kind of like the top of the iceberg, but underneath lies the bigger problem: PRIDE. Also known as selfishness.

It’s our natural behavior as humans to be selfish and worry about ourselves. It’s not always a bad thing to be prideful, but often times, it can lead to issues in a relationship. Examples? We’re being prideful when we think about our own feelings before our significant other. We’re being prideful when we put the blame on our spouse without examining whether we are to blame too. We’re being prideful when our hearts are hard and we don’t allow humility or understanding to enter into it. We’re being prideful when we notice something is up with our spouse, yet we’re too stubborn to ask what’s up.

So many times I hear, “Our relationship would be so much better if he could just communicate better.” Am I right or am I right? I definitely am guilty of saying this about my husband! But what if the problem isn’t that he isn’t capable of communicating, but that he FEELS LIKE he can’t because of the way we react? I think that we’re all guilty of this issue. And if you’re not, then teach us your ways. The nice thing is that it’s totally normal to be prideful and it’s normal to think of ourselves before other people. But that doesn’t make it right, or something that will create a healthy relationship.

SO okay you got me. I’m prideful. How do I change? How do I make things better? I think there’s a couple steps to take that can help us all out. I myself have taken these steps and I’ve noticed a difference in my relationship with Joe.

The first… you have to RECOGNIZE the problem.

Owning up to the fact that you might be prideful or selfish is a HUGE step in the right direction. It’s not always easy to admit, (jk it’s NEVER easy) but once you do, your heart starts to soften and you can see things a little more clearly.

Second, we have to have a SINCERE DESIRE to change.

Odds are, if someone doesn’t really want to change their behavior, they’re not going to. But be careful not to try to change the other person for them. The only person you can control is yourself, so stick to that. If you’re thinking, “I don’t think I can change, I feel like it’s just the way I am,” then you are SO WRONG. As soon as you tell yourself “I’ll change” and actually mean it, you’re already changing.

Third… you have to take responsibility for your actions, sis.

If you’ve been a bit of a beezy and you’ve taken steps one and two to recognize it, then it’s time to own up to it. A simple apology will do the trick. It’s easy to play the blame game, especially in our society today, but that really won’t get you anywhere in the long run. You’ll just end up back to where you started. Owning up to the problem and taking responsibility will definitely create a sense of peace in your relationship and the contention will slowly start to dissolve.

Lastly, you have to be conscious of it every day.

Making an effort every single day is going to be the most important thing. Intentionally asking your spouse how they’re doing, taking time to reflect on your character/actions, going out of your way to clean up the house, bringing them a surprise drink at work, leaving them a note, planning a special date night. After all, it’s the little things that matter most.

Being intentional and taking the time to think about what the other person needs is pretty much the best thing that you can do to get rid of that selfish attitude! It’s important to remember too that it’s going to take time, and it’s going to be hard, and you’re going to have to try. Everyday you’re going to have to try. But it’s SO worth it and I promise that your relationship or marriage will be that much better. I’m not a marriage counselor, I’m not a psychologist, but I am a wife and I am a human being who is imperfect. I’ve experienced how pride and selfishness can make things hard in mine and Joe’s relationship, on both of our ends, and there’s been a lot of trial and error to fix it.

It’s the beauty of loving another person, friends. It’s all about the sacrificial love that keeps things going. I hope that what I’ve shared has helped you in even the slightest way - please know that you are special and you are worthy of a healthy, happy, and loving relationship.

Love y’all so much!

xx, SAV

Our Engagement Story

Hey gang! Happy Saturday. It’s been a little over a month since Joe and I have referred to each other as fiancés, and I haven’t shared the details of how he proposed. It was the most magical evening of my life! I thought I’d share the story and some small details of our wedding. 

At the beginning of winter break, Joe and I were spoiled for a week with my family. We all met up on the gorgeous island of Maui! My family came from Portland and Joe and I flew in from Salt Lake - it was an amazing, much needed break from the cold we were having in Utah. We stayed at a hotel on the beach in Lahaina, it was beauuuuutiful! On the first full day that we were there, the 17th of December, my mom told all of us that she had booked a sailboat ride for that evening and made a reservation at my family’s favorite restaurant in Wailea. Little did I know, Joe was actually the one who had booked the sailboat ride. He went along with it though and acted like he knew nothing about it. At that point, my whole family knew what was going to happen later that night - the only clueless person was yours truly. We went about our day laying in the sun, snorkeling in the ocean, drinking piña coladas and other yummy smoothies - like I said, this vacation was amazing. It came time to head up to our room and get ready for the evening so that we could make it to our boat. When we were getting ready, Joe was still acting totally calm and collected. Looking back, he did tell me to wear my white and black dress so that 1. I could match him and 2. the colors would look good in photos after he proposed. So sneaky.

We drove to a dock near Wailea and found our lovely sailboat for the evening. Two guys were there to greet us and take us out on the water - they were great and had plenty of fun stories to share. We sailed out towards the horizon on this cute little sailboat, and right from the start, the evening was perfect. Being with Joe, my family (who I don’t get to see very often), in the prettiest setting, warm weather, what could be better? A little after we had begun sailing, we spotted a momma whale and her baby about 100 yards away - one of the coolest things I’ve ever witnessed. I’ve never been that close to such a large and special animal before, that was a once in a lifetime experience for all of us! The sun began to set, and I kid you not, this may have been the most stunning sunset I’d ever seen. The sky was full of colors, and because we were far out from the shore, it seemed like the colors were engulfing us on the water. Gosh, it was perfect!!

Once the sun had fully set below the horizon, I started getting an idea that something was going to happen. I was sitting next to Joe on the boat and I could feel his pulse pounding so hard through his entire body - why would his heart be pounding so fast? Shortly thereafter, Joe stood up and began his little speech. I immediately was filled with nerves, my heart also began to beat through my chest, and I couldn’t help but smile. Here I was looking at the man of my dreams who was about to propose to me in front of my whole family. This is a moment that every girl dreams of - and here it was happening to me! And the best part, I was totally surprised! Joe got down on one knee and said there wasn’t a shadow of a doubt in his mind that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. “Savannah Grace, will you marry me?” …. “YES!!!!!!!” I was shaking, he was shaking, we were both smiling, on the verge of tears - it was such a magical moment that I will cherish for the rest of my life. He 100% nailed it, it couldn’t have gone any better.

The photo shoot then began and phone calls were being made - we were SO excited. Joe and I have known for a long time we wanted to get married so it was only a matter of time to make the engagement official. We sailed back to shore and the evening carried on - we went to a lovely dinner at a hotel in Wailea then drove back to our hotel and called it a night. Joe and I couldn’t stop smiling the whole time - we were both ecstatic. Joe was smart and proposed right after we arrived, so for the rest of the week we enjoyed our time together and he didn’t have to stress! We had the best week in the sun. 

So there it is friends - the story of how Joe and I got engaged. Like I said, it was a night that I will cherish forever! If this night was as magical as it was, I can’t even begin to imagine how amazing our wedding day will be. We are planning to get married in Portland on July 13th. The date is set, we have a venue, a photographer, a dress… it’s all happening! We are so excited to be sealed together for time and all eternity. I’ve never felt so much love for a human like I do for Joe. I can’t wait to become a Wheelwright and live the rest of my life with him by my side! 

I will give more wedding updates once it gets closer, but for now, that’s all I got for ya. Thanks for reading my sappy story and thoughts about this love of mine. Everyone deserves to have a fairytale relationship! You just gotta find the right guy. I’m so grateful I’ve found mine.

Lotsa love, 

Sav 

Our Wedding

First comes love, then comes marriage... Ahh! Joe and I were married on July 13th, just a couple weeks ago. I can't even BEGIN to tell you guys how amazing, special, magical, and wonderful that day was. The wedding day that I have imagined since I was a little girl came true; it truly was the best day of my life, and I want to tell you all about it.

For those of you who don't know, Joe and I are quite young, some might say a little too young to be getting married. I'm 21 and he is 22. It's funny though, we felt beyond ready to make this step in our relationship and our lives, and we weren't intimidated by the commitment whatsoever. When you know, you know. I would love to make a separate blog post about why we got married young, what's been hard about it, what's been easy, etc. But for now, I'll focus on the wedding. 

We got married at a winery in McMinnville, Oregon called Youngberg Hill. It is the most GORGEOUS venue, it honestly feels like you're in Tuscany, Italy because of the views. One hundred and seventy-five of our dearest family and friends made the trek to support us, show us love, and party with us. Having all of those people there was such a blessing, Joe and I felt so tremendously loved. There's one specific image that will stick with me for the rest of my life - when Joe and I were introduced into the reception as Mr. and Mrs. Wheelwright, everyone immediately stood up clapping and cheering for us. I'm not sure why, but that was one of my fondest moments of the day. The amount of love I felt in that moment put tears in my eyes, and even writing this makes me teary. It was such a special moment. 

Our bridal party included 10 of our best friends - I had six bridesmaids and Joe had five groomsmen. They made the day soooo much fun. Without my girls, I would not have been able to get myself through the day. I am SO beyond thankful for them, for their love, their support, their acceptance, and their friendship. I'm going to have these girls by my side for the rest of my life, and I can't WAIT to experience life with them. Anna, Annika, Karee, Val, Lauren, and Cassie..... I LOVE YOU!!! 

I tried to create a European, classic, timeless, and bohemian theme to our wedding and incorporate as many small details as I could. One of my favorite details of our wedding was the flowers. Swoon Floral Design did all of our florals, and she killed it. They were soft, romantic, the perfect combination of messy and put together. The flowers were one thing I was not willing to compromise on... I just feel like they make such a difference in the mood and overall aesthetic of an event, especially a wedding. I was obsessed with them! I was also obsessed with our cake. Dream Cakes did our cake, and they also killed it. I wish I could have stared at the cake a little longer because of how beautiful it was. 

Aside from the smaller details, the most important part of the day was the ceremony, and that was absolutely amazing. There was such a strong spirit of love, a spirit of power, and passion, it was emotional but in the best way. I will never forget how nervous I was, but how my dad was able to help me before we walked down the aisle. He helped calm me down and tell me everything was a-okay. I love my dad so much, it was such a special experience being able to walk down the aisle with him and have him give me away to Joe. Gah, I love my daddy to death. 

Joe and I actually both wrote our vows the morning of our wedding, and they were both so impactful, so meaningful, straight from our hearts. Some people thought we were crazy for doing that, but hey... we pulled it off. One thing I loved about our vows, his in particular, is that they were SO specific to our relationship and what we have been through. No other couple could use our vows at another wedding - they were so special to him and I. I loved that! One piece of advice I want to give to anyone who is getting married in the near future... 

1. Don't fret about your vows. It might seem intimidating, but it shouldn't be.

2. Pretend like you are writing a letter to your spouse, don't make it sound fancy or like you're writing an essay, Simply take your heart and pour it out onto paper. 

Writing my vows was special, and also quite fun. I wrote them in a little café on the morning of my wedding day with my maid of honor, Anna. She helped me find the right words I was looking for. I'm excited to be able to turn back to our vows and read them and remember every promise that we made each other under the witness of God and all of our family and friends. After the ceremony, after the tears and the emotion and the nerves, it was party time. Joe and I sat together at a small sweetheart table in the corner of the reception area; that was so nice to be able to sit down and watch everyone without having any attention on us. It was also nice to sit down for a little while. I was wearing three-inch heels, which doesn't seem that bad, but let me tell ya...that's enough heel for me. We had our daddy-daughter dance, Joe and I's first dance, both of those were so special and so fun. My dad and I danced to "My Girl" by The Temptations - that's been our song since I was a little girl, and it was so fun being able to dance with him to that song. 

One word to best describe the reception once the dance floor opened started was... FUN. Right as the music started to play, everyone went out and started dancing their hearts out. The young ones, the old ones, and everyone in between. It was SO much fun!!! We did the bouquet toss, and the garder toss, but one fun game that we played was a little different - I got the idea from going to pinnings in my sorority. The couple sits back to back and are asked questions regarding their relationship. We each hold one of our shoes and one of their shoes and have to raise whichever shoe indicates the answer to the question. So for example, we were asked, "Who is cleaner?" Both Joe and I raised his shoe because we both know he is way cleaner than I am. The fun part though, is that we can't we what the other person responds with. It was so fun, and I'm so glad we did it. We also had some lawn games out for people to use and the most popular event of the night - an ice cream truck. Everyone loved it. Once the sun set, we had café lights draping over the dance floor... I am SO happy we decided to incorporate that detail. It made the night so much more inviting, so romantic, and so much better. Overall, the night was a blast. 

If there's one person I want to thank the most, it would be my mom. The amount of energy and time she put into helping me plan this day is so humbling. She wanted it to be just as perfect as I did, and both of my parents were 200% supportive of it. It was the biggest blessing having them be such a big part of the day and being able to experience it with them. I'm also so grateful for my amazing brother and all the support and love he has granted me. We have always been so close, and it was awesome having him there helping me, calming me down, and making the day so fun. I love  you guys!! Every thing about my wedding day was perfect - EVERYTHING!! I can confidently say that. All the months of preparation were worth it because it all turned out just the way I have always dreamt it would be. 

I want to give everyone that was a part of that day the biggest hug and thank you - ALL of you made the day so special and both Joe and I feel so lucky and so grateful to have all of you in our lives. Cheers to marriage, cheers to love, and cheers to happily ever afters! 

I love you all so much, thanks for reading this long post of me bragging about the best day of my life. <3 

xx, Sav